Close your eyes and use your child-like sense of wonderment and vividly imagine this scene.
You: “Honey I’m home. It’s been a while but I’m back now.”
Honey: “You are a redundant now go away in a month”
How did you read those lines with your eyes closed? Impressive. Nevertheless, it is a truly harrowing hypothetical situation. But what if it wasn’t a hypothetical? What if it was a hyper-realistic first person sensory experience known as real life? For some this “real life” is a reality, a harsh and restrictive reality that can force a person to transform. Not into a Werewolf or a Dracula, but into a different type of human being, one that examines every single step that brought them to this point in their life. I know you savvy readers may have clued on by now, but I am that ‘some’ that was identified just earlier, like 2 sentences ago. So I will tell you the story until I lose my train of thought.
This is 100% true except for the majority of the details. I didn’t waltz back in after 31 days off and return with a hitch in my step and a smile on my face. Nor did I call anyone at work ‘Honey’, I just never developed that kind of relationship with the weathered dozer drivers or supple graduate engineers. I dreaded returning to work after a month off, I dreaded it so much that I would have preferred to go back to university and study a Bachelor of Law (and arts or some other baloney), become a solicitor for a few years, ace the Bar test, spend another decade as a barrister until finally becoming a Judge. Judge Dread. I was Sly Stallone in those few days before returning to work, I felt lost and started punching various meats.
So it was to my surprise when I returned that I was cryptically told that I was no longer required. Cue some awkward laughter and confusion, add the weight of the world, a dash of “holy shit I’m losing my job” and a whole heap of “heck yes, I’m outta here”. Those feelings summarised my entire time spent doing that job. Immediate analysis of my reaction and initial feelings lead to a colossal smile on my face.
During this moment of glee I forgot that you need a job to get monies because monies pay for things. For me these things are Pizza Shapes and soap. You can never have enough soap and I like the fancy kind that gives you a fragrant and even lather…..urgh yessss! But the idea of not working scared me. It scared me far more than it ever did before because I almost have responsibilities. All my worries were heightened during the search for a new job. What if I didn’t find a new job? Could I use my fallback plan of being a stay at home dad with no kids?
To lessen my worries I did some good ol’ fashioned soul searching. Granted, I mostly searched through various whiskeys. Whiskey is far better than continually questioning why I was losing my job. Was the answer – because you were shit at it? I never really found that out, probably yes, but I was asking the wrong question.
What do I want to do? I looked at my wife, who besides living her dream of being married to a man-child with a wormish physique; she was also killing it at studying video games design. That leap isn’t easy in the real world; it takes courage and hard work. I drank some more whiskey, ate some Pizza Shapes and was once again inspired by this superior version of Claire Danes. With nothing else to do I can follow my passion and concentrate on what I really want from my life…
Pizza Shape scented soap.
THIS POST WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ARNOTT’S PIZZA SHAPES
BAKED NOT FRIED THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER!