Eurovision is one of my favorite weekends of the year. I have fond memories of Moldova busting out a sax solo like nobody else, Latvia singing their catchy pirate themed song and Romania having a gay Dracula stuck in a perspex box. This time around it was no different with all its pop glory & political statements served with lashings of cheesy goodness. It was as if someone had shoved an iPod into a block of Gouda, wrapped a rainbow flag around it and thrown it onto a stage. And I loved it. I consume Eurovision cheese like regular cheese, by opening my jowls and inhaling until I get sick.
In my eyes there was one clear winner, the superstars from Iceland – Pollapönk with their smash hit ‘No Prejudice’. You can view the official film clip here – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwfGKEIn5xw
These gents channeled the Presidents of the USA , added some Yo Gabba Gabba flavours and based it around a core message of tolerance and love. Like Greece’s 2013 entry ‘Alcohol is Free’ the song was never going to win, mostly because it’s kids song written by kindergarten teachers probably for one of their sing-a-longs, but I blame the politics of the judges and their judgmental ways. This is a dang catchy song with lyrics like “I may stutter when I speak/ (but) you don’t need to call me freak/ it’s not trigonometry/ inside we’re the same.” It is a welcome break from some of the more snoozeworthy ballads that get busted out over the course of the weekend. I’m talking to you Azerbaijan, not even your trapeze artist could keep me interested.
As I sat there on Friday night, stuffing my face full of pizza with my good friend/sadistic personal trainer and our other halves, I was content. Iceland had blown my mindhole and there were many more highs and lows to come. So here are a few of my personal highlights from the 2014 Eurovision contest.
- The first song of the contest was Armenia’s ARAM MP3 and props to him for transforming a what would have been another Azerbaijan into a Eurovision hit by adding some rising strings and wub-wubs until it becomes a dubstep casserole.
- Austria’s bearded lady smashing out her song and proving that beards are, like, totally in right now. Also winning the competition and having the Wurst last name.
- Russia’s twins doing their best impression of Disney’s TANGLED whilst singing on a giant see-saw.
- The folk pop contingent of Germany, Netherlands & Switzerland as well as some others that I forget.
- Ukraine for being one of the sauciest entries and having a human sized hamster wheel dancer. (Pictured below, but you’re best off just YouTubing it)
- Special mention to Latvia who were knocked out in the Semi Final after their song about baking a cake failed to get them through.
- Finally, the award for the most cringeworthy performance goes to… Australia’s guest spot. Australia is the drunk uncle of Eurovision who throws out slurred heckles whilst holding a 6 pack of VB and then wonders why he doesn’t get invited to important events. I’m not talking about Jess Mauboy’s performance, which was actually pretty good. No, I’m talking about the intro to it which included a shirtless surfer/skater, Russell Crowe references and leftover Sydney Olympic mascots. All in the true Eurovision spirit.
I’ll see you all next year in Austria for a weekend of singing, dancing and pissing off Russia.